NAPATINGIN ako sa iyong mga mata

At sa isang iglap, ako ay natulala

Puso ko ay muling tumibok

Ngunit, di kaya ako lamang ay mapusok?

NAGUSTUHAN ko ang iyong mga ngiti

Wala akong pinalalampas na sandali

Nais ko'y araw-araw kang masilayan

Sa bawat sandali, ika'y mahawakan

MINAHAL ko ang lahat sa iyo

Sa buhay kong ito, kuntento na ako

Salamat sa pagdating sa aking buhay

Dahil pinintahan mo ito ng kaygagandang mga kulay

Book review: She said YES: The Unlikely Martyrdom of Cassie Bernall

Title: She said YES: The Unlikely Martyrdom of Cassie Bernall

Author: Misty Bernall

Page count: 163

Rating: 4.5 stars

Book synopsis:

She Said Yes is a story of growing up in the '90s, of peer pressure, adolescent turmoil, and the tough choices parents make. It is the story of a mother's loss - of dreams and hopes dashed by the cruel reality of death at an early age. But it is also a story of redemption more enduring than the tragedy that cut a young life short.

When 17-year-old Cassie Bernall walked into the library of her suburban high school around 11:00 on the morning of April 20, 1999, she had little more on her mind than her latest assignment for English class: another act of Macbeth. How could she know that by the end of the hour, two classmates would storm the school, guns blazing, and kill as many people as they could, including her? 

As the wounded were carried from the bloody scene, several stories of bravery emerged, but one spread faster and farther than the rest. Confronted by her killers, Cassie was asked, "Do you believe in God?" She answered, "Yes."

Praises for the book:

"One of the most gripping stories to come out of the shooting at Columbine High School" is told in the acclaimed national bestseller that illuminates the most remarkable aspect of 17-year-old Cassie Bernall's tragic death: her life.

"She Said Yes" is an "intense and fascinating memoir" *(Publishers Weekly)* of an ordinary teenager growing up in suburban Colorado, and faced -- as all teenagers are -- with difficult choices and pressures. It is only now, when the world knows Cassie Bernall as one of the Columbine High students killed by two rampaging schoolmates, that the choices she made offer a profound relevance for us all. Once a rage-filled young woman who walked a path similar to that of her killers, Cassie found a way out of her personal snares and, through her faith and a family's love, chose to embrace life with courage and conviction.

Told with unflinching honesty by her mother, Misty Bernall, Cassie's story is "a profoundly human story that should be read by every parent and every teenager" *(New York Post)*.

Book review:

So this is the book that I'm telling you from my recent book review of the book Hey Nostradamus of Douglas Coupland got its inspiration. This story of Cassie is fascinating and it changed my life. I have witnessed teens doing drugs, smoking, drinking, then suddenly change their lives once they came to knew God spiritually. This book tells about the grief of a mother who lost her only daughter and how her family was able to move on. There are pictures of Cassie with her family and friends sited in the book, proving that once, there lived a girl named Cassie and she held onto her faith by saying YES until she died.

Book review: Hey Nostradamus!

Title: Hey Nostradamus

Author: Douglas Coupland

Page count: 244 + 15 (Ideas, interviews, features...)

Rating: 5 stars

Book synopsis:
The novel follows the stories of victims of a fictional school shooting in North Vancouver in 1988. Coupland has expressed his concern that the killers of the Columbine received more focus than the victims; this is his story about the victims of tragedy. The novel is told in four parts, each with a different narrator and focus.

Book review:
The book talks about how the four stories were connected, and Cheryl's doodle on her notes "God is nowhere, God is now here". It talks about love, pain, family, miracles, and God. My favorite story was that of Cheryl's, because I think it has the most interesting parts. She and Jason were secretly married, she's pregnant, and active in her religious group "Youth Alive!". Jason killed one of the killers, trying to save Cheryl but its too late. Then he's accused and found guilty in the incident. Many believed he's a hero, but his father (Reg) didn't so her mother breaks down and angrily attacked Reg. Because of this family issue, he was then introduced to a darker side of the world. He ran away from home. Later on Reg realized his fault and tried wrote letters for Jason to come home to him, and posted them on trees hoping that one day, Jason would be able to read one of them.

I really recommend reading this book, and it is listed in the 101 books you should read before you die. The book is filled with twists and excitements that it kept me up the whole night to finish reading it. It made me feel the events that happened, as well as the trauma felt by the characters because of the high school massacre. At the back pages of the book, there were some facts and interviews about the author and the book as well. I learned that this was inspired by the book  She said YES" which is about Cassie Bernall, written by her own mother Misty Bernall. It is the true story of Cassie, who's one of the victims in the Columbine high school massacre.

I found the book and I'll post a review about it later this month.

Disconnection

There is this feeling that always disconnects us from the things that we want. This feeling is called fear. And this fear somehow holds us back from being strong. This feeling of disconnection because of fear from the things we want or we need makes us sad.

Somehow, we need to fight this feeling. We need to be strong so that no matter what happens, our lives can still go on. We should never allow this fear to stop us from doing the things that we like, from loving someone unconditionally, from reaching our goals, from making wishes come true, and most all, from making our dreams into reality.

Book lovers: HELP!

Is there anyone out there who could tell me where can I buy this series? If you happen to see this at a bookstore, please inform me.. I've been dying to buy Blue is for Nightmares Collection since 2007.. I only got White is for Magic.. so please help me.. 

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Series synopsis:

The Blue is for Nightmares series follows the adventures of Stacey Brown, a young Wiccan with psychic powers. Stacey uses her Wiccan religion to enhance her natural abilities in order to investigate crimes, disappearances, or issues that arise in her daily life. As the series progresses Stacey graduates from high school, learns how to better harness her abilities, and sorts through her complicated love life.

Pain...

What is pain? Pain is the feeling of getting hurt not just physically, but mentally and most of all, emotionally.

It is the emotion you feel when the one you love doesn't love you back, when someone cheated on you, when you are left alone holding on to his/her broken promises, when things with sentimental value are lost, or when you are taken for granted by someone you care for. There are so many things that can give you pain. But this I tell you: Pain is part of loving someone; loving is part of happiness, thus, pain is the root of happiness. If you are hurt emotionally, it is alright to cry. Remember that most of the times, the best beginnings come from the saddest endings.

Cry, but don't be miserable.

Be happy and proud of yourself no matter what

So I was back reading on my tumblr blog when I happen to read this post again. I remembered that I reblogged this because it touched my heart and it was then that i realized there are so many reasons to be happy and proud of who we are in spite of our imperfections.

“*Whoever is reading this, I want you to know something. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a smile plastered on your face because you are happy, not because you are pretending to be. You deserve to live the life you want to, without others putting you down. More importantly, you deserve to live a life without putting yourself down. Far too often we think of ourselves as not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough. These thoughts might come from outside pressures, but more than anything they come from within ourselves because we spend our lives comparing ourselves to others or thinking about who we wish we could be. So I challenge you to love yourself. You are smart enough, you are pretty enough, you are good enough and don’t ever think otherwise. Be proud of who you are and be proud of who you are becoming and remember, love is louder than the voice inside your head telling you that you aren’t good enough.”

*Credits to the author

My mind soaring through the wind

Drifting in the waters

Walking down the streets

Looking for my lost memories.

Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."

I heard this quotation while listening to the lecture of 'Belle de Jour' Power Plannner's creator/founder. So then I thought, how does a person define fear? Is fear being afraid of a cockroach? Is it being afraid of heights? Of dark? Or is it being afraid of losing someone that means so much to you?

For me, fear is not being able to do what you can do, or forcing to do something that in reality, you can't do it. It is being afraid to be left alone in this world full of challenges wherein you only need atleast one person to survive. It is worrying about how you can do things you're not good at, or how you can do things that you're not supposed to do.

Fear is something that holds us back and disconnects us from reality. It is to love someone but somehow can't show/tell it. Fear is when you want to say something to someone special but you're afraid that he/she might not positively respond to it. So, what is fear to you? 'cause for me...

...MY FEAR IS LOSING YU.

The distance

What can you say about a relationship that gives no assurance? Are you willing to take the risk? Are you ready to accept the pain?

In this situation, you need a lot of trust, loyalty, faith, and most of all love. You haev to believe and hold on to the promises you made for each other -- not just to believe, but to have faith and hope that you will still be together in the end. You should believe and hope that you will be able to surpass the trials that might face you and survive together.

But what is the hardest and most painful part in this relationship?

The hardest part in this kind of relationship is that it gives you no assurance. It can be hard to fight and resist temptations as it is everywhere. But it can be easy to resist if you are sure and really determined to be with that person for the rest of your life.

Sometimes, love, trust and faith aren't enough. It hurts so much when you miss that person. You cry hard just because of thinking about that person and you know for yourself that nobody and nothing can make you stop because you just miss the person even more. When you see couples walking around, holding each other''s hand, it kills you and eventually you start missing that special someone again.

Of course, there are ways to fight this painful feeling. You text the person everyday, call him/her to hear his/her voice, and sometimes webcam chatting so you can see each other despite the distance. There are also times when you tend to send packages filled with sweet nothings just to make the person smile and feel even more special.

In the end, if both of you are able to survive, you'll realize that it's all worth the long wait. By the time you see each other again, you'll be able to feel that the love that connects you miles away becomes stronger and unbreakable. When you're together, you make every second count and you don't want to waste any single minute of your time together..

It's still up to both of you if you really love each other and are willing to wait until fate brings you closer to each other, that you no longer have to feel the pain of being far away from the person you love the most..

So, who says long distance relationships doesn't work?

Rewriting my life

Today I was scanning through the pages of my old notebooks when I saw this notes at the back of my old steno:

Words. These are some of my best friends back then when I was still in highschool. But I suddenly turned my back on them. I used to love writing down my thoughts. It makes me feel light inside. It comforts my heart and gives peace to my mind. But then what happened? I guess I changed my perspectives in life. I had a change of heart.

Today, I want to change these perspectives again. This time, I want to feel the might of the pen once again in my life. I want to write again. I want to rewrite what I used to be -- a writer.

Thoughts. Memories. Feelings. Mindshouts.

So many words are left behind. The wrong grammars in my life should be rewritten to get free from the errors of the past.

*had a hard time reading it since I wrote it backwards (mirror writing) and I can't find a mirror big enough to read it as a whole and I edited some parts.

..but I know that I already found my forever

I will no longer search for another one

Look not into what is perfect, but look on what is right

Happy or sad, whatever, just stay with me forever

Book review: Before Ever After

Title: Before Ever After

Author: Samantha Sotto

Page Count: 296

Rating: 4 stars

Book synopsis:

Three years after her husband Max's death, Shelley feels no more adjusted to being a widow than she did that first terrible day. That is, until the doorbell rings. Standing on her front step is a young man who looks so much like Max; same smile, same eyes, same age, same adorable bump in his nose; he could be Max's long-lost relation. He introduces himself as Paolo, an Italian editor of American coffee table books, and shows Shelley some childhood photos. Paolo tells her that the man in the photos, the bearded man who Paolo says is his grandfather though he never seems to age, is Max. Her Max. And he is alive and well.

As outrageous as Paolo's claims seem; how could her husband be alive? And if he is, why hasn't he looked her up? Shelley desperately wants to know the truth. She and Paolo jet across the globe to track Max down; if it is really Max and along the way, Shelley recounts the European package tour where they had met. As she relives Max's stories of bloody Parisian barricades, medieval Austrian kitchens, and buried Roman boathouses, Shelley begins to piece together the story of who her husband was and what these new revelations mean for her "happily ever after." And as she and Paolo get closer to the truth, Shelley discovers that not all stories end where they are supposed to.

Book review:

Upon reading the first chapters of the book, I was excited on what will happen next because a lot of questions were built in my mind already about the mystery of Max’s life. When I reached half the book, I felt confused and it seems that things got mixed up in my mind. It’s like I’m time travelling with time then and now. After finishing the book, I was still a little confused because some things are still not clear but the ending was good. Max returned to the place where he valued so much because of Shelley, and then they meet again. Maybe I’d read the book again, to make things clearer. Just like watching movies, if I don’t understand some parts on the first time I watch it, I would watch it again to apprehend things more.

Most parts of the story were told in flashbacks, and each one reveals a new aspect of the mystery about Max. In the middle of reading, there are times that I wanted to stop, but when I stop, questions kept on popping in my head on what will happen next and what really happened to Max. I think the connected lives of the characters, and the time travels are the author’s way of keeping the readers guessing until they finished reading the book. So for me, I don’t need anything that the author could have done to make things more clear. I appreciated her style.

After reading the book, I have changed some of my perspectives in life. I realized that life is really short, whether we are immortal or not. Some things happen so fast that sometimes we feel like they really never happened at all. People come and go in our lives. There are people that we want to stay longer, but they go immediately and the ones that we don’t want to have are the ones who stay. Sometimes, they were like magic – it happens in a blink of an eye. So we need to appreciate every little thing that happens in our lives.

*Among filipino authors, I only read the works of Bob Ong. But when I came upon this book by Samantha Sotto, I  suddenly felt love for other filipino authors so from now on, I'll start buying Filipino novels as well.

back to blogger

i'm back to blogger!
i didn't enjoy much the features of the blogsite i used before..