Rainy day daydream

...drip, drip, drop...

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I love rainy days. And today is one of them. I love everything about rain, except it causes flood when it rains too much. I think it's best to read books while drinking  a hot cup of tea during the days the clouds cry.

The sound of raindrops soothes my mind and I hear a harmonious wave of music instead of water droplets.

Dancing in the rain is probably the best drama in my life. I don't usually use umbrella because I love walking in the rain. It seems like rain feeds my body and it feels good to me when raindrops land on my skin, touching me and reminding me how awesome it is to live.

It makes me feel complete.

When I don't feel like reading, I just lay down on my bed and curl up with my blanket like a cocoon. I close my eyes and start imagining different things like being bitten by a vampire, or having powers like a witch,and fly around freely like a bird.

Daydreaming is best done during rainy days, believe me. You'll just lay on your bed lazily and start daydreaming, wishing of different things and hoping they'll come true.

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...drip, drip, drop...

NAPATINGIN ako sa iyong mga mata

At sa isang iglap, ako ay natulala

Puso ko ay muling tumibok

Ngunit, di kaya ako lamang ay mapusok?

NAGUSTUHAN ko ang iyong mga ngiti

Wala akong pinalalampas na sandali

Nais ko'y araw-araw kang masilayan

Sa bawat sandali, ika'y mahawakan

MINAHAL ko ang lahat sa iyo

Sa buhay kong ito, kuntento na ako

Salamat sa pagdating sa aking buhay

Dahil pinintahan mo ito ng kaygagandang mga kulay

Disconnection

There is this feeling that always disconnects us from the things that we want. This feeling is called fear. And this fear somehow holds us back from being strong. This feeling of disconnection because of fear from the things we want or we need makes us sad.

Somehow, we need to fight this feeling. We need to be strong so that no matter what happens, our lives can still go on. We should never allow this fear to stop us from doing the things that we like, from loving someone unconditionally, from reaching our goals, from making wishes come true, and most all, from making our dreams into reality.

Pain...

What is pain? Pain is the feeling of getting hurt not just physically, but mentally and most of all, emotionally.

It is the emotion you feel when the one you love doesn't love you back, when someone cheated on you, when you are left alone holding on to his/her broken promises, when things with sentimental value are lost, or when you are taken for granted by someone you care for. There are so many things that can give you pain. But this I tell you: Pain is part of loving someone; loving is part of happiness, thus, pain is the root of happiness. If you are hurt emotionally, it is alright to cry. Remember that most of the times, the best beginnings come from the saddest endings.

Cry, but don't be miserable.

My mind soaring through the wind

Drifting in the waters

Walking down the streets

Looking for my lost memories.

Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."

I heard this quotation while listening to the lecture of 'Belle de Jour' Power Plannner's creator/founder. So then I thought, how does a person define fear? Is fear being afraid of a cockroach? Is it being afraid of heights? Of dark? Or is it being afraid of losing someone that means so much to you?

For me, fear is not being able to do what you can do, or forcing to do something that in reality, you can't do it. It is being afraid to be left alone in this world full of challenges wherein you only need atleast one person to survive. It is worrying about how you can do things you're not good at, or how you can do things that you're not supposed to do.

Fear is something that holds us back and disconnects us from reality. It is to love someone but somehow can't show/tell it. Fear is when you want to say something to someone special but you're afraid that he/she might not positively respond to it. So, what is fear to you? 'cause for me...

...MY FEAR IS LOSING YU.

The distance

What can you say about a relationship that gives no assurance? Are you willing to take the risk? Are you ready to accept the pain?

In this situation, you need a lot of trust, loyalty, faith, and most of all love. You haev to believe and hold on to the promises you made for each other -- not just to believe, but to have faith and hope that you will still be together in the end. You should believe and hope that you will be able to surpass the trials that might face you and survive together.

But what is the hardest and most painful part in this relationship?

The hardest part in this kind of relationship is that it gives you no assurance. It can be hard to fight and resist temptations as it is everywhere. But it can be easy to resist if you are sure and really determined to be with that person for the rest of your life.

Sometimes, love, trust and faith aren't enough. It hurts so much when you miss that person. You cry hard just because of thinking about that person and you know for yourself that nobody and nothing can make you stop because you just miss the person even more. When you see couples walking around, holding each other''s hand, it kills you and eventually you start missing that special someone again.

Of course, there are ways to fight this painful feeling. You text the person everyday, call him/her to hear his/her voice, and sometimes webcam chatting so you can see each other despite the distance. There are also times when you tend to send packages filled with sweet nothings just to make the person smile and feel even more special.

In the end, if both of you are able to survive, you'll realize that it's all worth the long wait. By the time you see each other again, you'll be able to feel that the love that connects you miles away becomes stronger and unbreakable. When you're together, you make every second count and you don't want to waste any single minute of your time together..

It's still up to both of you if you really love each other and are willing to wait until fate brings you closer to each other, that you no longer have to feel the pain of being far away from the person you love the most..

So, who says long distance relationships doesn't work?

Rewriting my life

Today I was scanning through the pages of my old notebooks when I saw this notes at the back of my old steno:

Words. These are some of my best friends back then when I was still in highschool. But I suddenly turned my back on them. I used to love writing down my thoughts. It makes me feel light inside. It comforts my heart and gives peace to my mind. But then what happened? I guess I changed my perspectives in life. I had a change of heart.

Today, I want to change these perspectives again. This time, I want to feel the might of the pen once again in my life. I want to write again. I want to rewrite what I used to be -- a writer.

Thoughts. Memories. Feelings. Mindshouts.

So many words are left behind. The wrong grammars in my life should be rewritten to get free from the errors of the past.

*had a hard time reading it since I wrote it backwards (mirror writing) and I can't find a mirror big enough to read it as a whole and I edited some parts.

..but I know that I already found my forever

I will no longer search for another one

Look not into what is perfect, but look on what is right

Happy or sad, whatever, just stay with me forever