I have the right to remain silent.

I THINK A LOT. BUT I DON'T SAY MUCH.

Lately, a lot of things kept on entering my mind. Thoughts, doubts, realizations, a lot. There are times when I feel like my mind's gonna burst due to over thinking. I often caught myself staring at nowhere, losing concentration on the things I do. Sometimes, I'm not even aware of what I'm doing. I know I should talk to someone and spit out whatsoever is on my mind; to share what's playing inside my head, to talk about how I feel. But I don't know why I can't. It's just that I don't want to talk about them, feeling that things might just get worse. I know that if I blurt out the things inside my head, there are people who will get involved, and I don't want that to happen. I guess it's better to just keep it to myself whatever enters my mind, as long as I can hold onto it.

Rainy day daydream

...drip, drip, drop...

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I love rainy days. And today is one of them. I love everything about rain, except it causes flood when it rains too much. I think it's best to read books while drinking  a hot cup of tea during the days the clouds cry.

The sound of raindrops soothes my mind and I hear a harmonious wave of music instead of water droplets.

Dancing in the rain is probably the best drama in my life. I don't usually use umbrella because I love walking in the rain. It seems like rain feeds my body and it feels good to me when raindrops land on my skin, touching me and reminding me how awesome it is to live.

It makes me feel complete.

When I don't feel like reading, I just lay down on my bed and curl up with my blanket like a cocoon. I close my eyes and start imagining different things like being bitten by a vampire, or having powers like a witch,and fly around freely like a bird.

Daydreaming is best done during rainy days, believe me. You'll just lay on your bed lazily and start daydreaming, wishing of different things and hoping they'll come true.

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...drip, drip, drop...

NAPATINGIN ako sa iyong mga mata

At sa isang iglap, ako ay natulala

Puso ko ay muling tumibok

Ngunit, di kaya ako lamang ay mapusok?

NAGUSTUHAN ko ang iyong mga ngiti

Wala akong pinalalampas na sandali

Nais ko'y araw-araw kang masilayan

Sa bawat sandali, ika'y mahawakan

MINAHAL ko ang lahat sa iyo

Sa buhay kong ito, kuntento na ako

Salamat sa pagdating sa aking buhay

Dahil pinintahan mo ito ng kaygagandang mga kulay

Disconnection

There is this feeling that always disconnects us from the things that we want. This feeling is called fear. And this fear somehow holds us back from being strong. This feeling of disconnection because of fear from the things we want or we need makes us sad.

Somehow, we need to fight this feeling. We need to be strong so that no matter what happens, our lives can still go on. We should never allow this fear to stop us from doing the things that we like, from loving someone unconditionally, from reaching our goals, from making wishes come true, and most all, from making our dreams into reality.

Pain...

What is pain? Pain is the feeling of getting hurt not just physically, but mentally and most of all, emotionally.

It is the emotion you feel when the one you love doesn't love you back, when someone cheated on you, when you are left alone holding on to his/her broken promises, when things with sentimental value are lost, or when you are taken for granted by someone you care for. There are so many things that can give you pain. But this I tell you: Pain is part of loving someone; loving is part of happiness, thus, pain is the root of happiness. If you are hurt emotionally, it is alright to cry. Remember that most of the times, the best beginnings come from the saddest endings.

Cry, but don't be miserable.

Be happy and proud of yourself no matter what

So I was back reading on my tumblr blog when I happen to read this post again. I remembered that I reblogged this because it touched my heart and it was then that i realized there are so many reasons to be happy and proud of who we are in spite of our imperfections.

“*Whoever is reading this, I want you to know something. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a smile plastered on your face because you are happy, not because you are pretending to be. You deserve to live the life you want to, without others putting you down. More importantly, you deserve to live a life without putting yourself down. Far too often we think of ourselves as not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough. These thoughts might come from outside pressures, but more than anything they come from within ourselves because we spend our lives comparing ourselves to others or thinking about who we wish we could be. So I challenge you to love yourself. You are smart enough, you are pretty enough, you are good enough and don’t ever think otherwise. Be proud of who you are and be proud of who you are becoming and remember, love is louder than the voice inside your head telling you that you aren’t good enough.”

*Credits to the author

My mind soaring through the wind

Drifting in the waters

Walking down the streets

Looking for my lost memories.

Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."

I heard this quotation while listening to the lecture of 'Belle de Jour' Power Plannner's creator/founder. So then I thought, how does a person define fear? Is fear being afraid of a cockroach? Is it being afraid of heights? Of dark? Or is it being afraid of losing someone that means so much to you?

For me, fear is not being able to do what you can do, or forcing to do something that in reality, you can't do it. It is being afraid to be left alone in this world full of challenges wherein you only need atleast one person to survive. It is worrying about how you can do things you're not good at, or how you can do things that you're not supposed to do.

Fear is something that holds us back and disconnects us from reality. It is to love someone but somehow can't show/tell it. Fear is when you want to say something to someone special but you're afraid that he/she might not positively respond to it. So, what is fear to you? 'cause for me...

...MY FEAR IS LOSING YU.

Rewriting my life

Today I was scanning through the pages of my old notebooks when I saw this notes at the back of my old steno:

Words. These are some of my best friends back then when I was still in highschool. But I suddenly turned my back on them. I used to love writing down my thoughts. It makes me feel light inside. It comforts my heart and gives peace to my mind. But then what happened? I guess I changed my perspectives in life. I had a change of heart.

Today, I want to change these perspectives again. This time, I want to feel the might of the pen once again in my life. I want to write again. I want to rewrite what I used to be -- a writer.

Thoughts. Memories. Feelings. Mindshouts.

So many words are left behind. The wrong grammars in my life should be rewritten to get free from the errors of the past.

*had a hard time reading it since I wrote it backwards (mirror writing) and I can't find a mirror big enough to read it as a whole and I edited some parts.

..but I know that I already found my forever

I will no longer search for another one

Look not into what is perfect, but look on what is right

Happy or sad, whatever, just stay with me forever